I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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