I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
