well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
