I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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