First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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