I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
