you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
