I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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