Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
