god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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