its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
