We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
