even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
