you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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