I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize