it's not cheating when I paid for it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
