I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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