as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize