Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
