I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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