omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
