oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
