can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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