So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
