i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
