I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
