I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
