i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
not ubering you a puppy
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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