So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
