At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
