her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
