you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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