I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
