Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
