Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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