Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
