How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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