I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
zippers are such a cool invention
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
