Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Alive.
So much puke
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
