is your mom at the bar?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
