dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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