my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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