i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
