Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
