She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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