So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
