Who wears a wallet chain?!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
