Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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