Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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