She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
