i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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