I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Randomize
