last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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