yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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