When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
