Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
