genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
