i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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