one two three fourrrrnication!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
