you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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