im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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