how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the liver wants what the liver wants
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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