it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
