Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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