Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
