Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
