How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
