I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
