Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
