so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize