I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He told me they were just razor bumps!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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