Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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