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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  ... oops

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.

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• (415): View more from California

  so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.

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• (415): View more from California

  Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.

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• (925): View more from California

  Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?

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